


C'est la Guerre, et Je Suis Sans un Fusil

by minou_demimonde



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-02
Updated: 2012-11-02
Packaged: 2017-11-17 11:44:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,144
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minou_demimonde/pseuds/minou_demimonde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Wait...you think we should what?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	C'est la Guerre, et Je Suis Sans un Fusil

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tkeyla](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tkeyla/gifts).



> Tkeyla, m'dear, this is all because of you. Just accept responsibility and move on.

**The Lanai: 6:02 PM, Monday**

D: "Wait...you think we should what?"

S: "I said that we should get married."

D: "...We can't get married. Don't be ridiculous."

S: "Well, not as such, though I expect it will happen pretty soon. But we can get 'unionized', and I think we should."

D: "Steven, it isn't just the legality of the thing, you know. It's also the whole, uh, we're not involved thing as well"

S: "Oh, Danny. we're involved. We have been for almost 3 years now."

D: "Wait...what?

S: "And it would be good for Grace, too. She deserves a good place to stay when she has Danny time. And while your latest apartment is not as bad as some of them have been, let's be honest, it's not a _home_ , and you know it. She deserves to have her own room, her own stretch of beach, which is something Step-Stan can't give her, by the way. And she needs to have..."

D: "Yeah, yeah, let's go back to the whole 'we've been involved for nearly 3 years now' thing. We're not involved, Steven. If we were involved I think I would have noticed. I mean, I may not be the most observant of people, relationship-wise. I didn't notice that Rachel was sleeping with Stan for 6 months, but I did notice when I was sleeping with her, and when I was not.

"And, Steven. And. As far as I have been aware of, and I do usually take note of this sort of thing, we have had no physical interaction beyond that of friends. There have been hugs, which have been pleasant and important as a bonding tool between partners and friends. There have been back slaps. There have been pats upon the shoulder, even. There have been no kisses. I would have noticed.

"And, what makes you think that I have any desire for you in that manner? Or are you suggesting a sexless marriage for Grace's sake, because that, my friend, is not going to happen."

S: "Are you finished? Or should I wait a while?

D: "Heh. Like you care. But since you ask, I'm finished. I want answers now. Pray continue."

S: "As I was saying, Grace needs to have her Step-Steve, even though I don't think that's what she wants to call me. Her emails, lately, have started to indicate a desire for..."

D: "Wait, you've been emailing my daughter?"

S: "As I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted, she's started to indicate a desire for something more like Daddy-Steve or something to separate our relationship from that of Rachel and Stan's. And yes, I have been emailing your daughter for years now. Since about a week after the football game when Rachel helped her to write a rather touching thank you email for telling you to put her safety first, rather than worrying about the rest of the people at the game. Which I told her was ridiculous, because what else was I going to go? But anyway, we have been emailing at least 2 to 3 times a week ever since then. I thought you knew. Rachel reads every single one of them. I told her to. But that isn't the point. The point is..."

D: "You've been emailing my daughter for nearly 3 years, and I never knew about it? Steve! This is the sort of thing that you tell your friends!"

S: "I thought you knew. If I had been aware of the fact that you didn't, I'd have mentioned it. It's not like it's something I'm ashamed of. And if you like, when we get back to the office, I'll forward you a copy of every email. It's not as though Grace has any expectation of a right to privacy, and she knows it. We've discussed it.

"But, the point is that she is starting to ask about when we're getting married and if she can call me Step-Steve, or Daddy-Steve, and I believe that she deserves to have that stability.

"But beyond that, naturally, there are other things that should be considered.

"First. In spite of your rather ridiculous protestations, obviously we're involved. I don't know of any other person who would do for you the things that I've done for you. And I don't know of any other person who would do the things that you have done for me. Our relationship is the strongest partnership I've ever seen..."

D: "Partnership, Steven, partnership. A partnership is a friendship, and a relationship built upon work requirements and duties. And yes, we've been there for each other. Of course we have. And in spite of this detour into stupidity, we shall continue to be so. But a partnership is not a romantic relationship. And that is what marriages are about. Do I love you? Of course I do. You're my best friend. Do I want to go to bed with you? I think not."

S: "You can pretend all you want, Danno, but it won't help you. But that is beside the point at this juncture."

D: "At this juncture?"

S: "I went to Annapolis, stop stalling. The point that I'm making now is that our partnership started out as a friendship and a relationship built upon mutual work relationship and duties. But that became romantic over time. As all good marriages do. It's not romantic in the way that women think of romance, because neither of us is a woman. So not so much with the flowers and chocolates or the swelling music in the background. Although, now that I think of it, would it hurt you to pay for a date every now and then? I mean, the last date you took me on was _Jersey Boys_ , and that was months ago.

D: "Hey, I not only took you to the show, but I paid for dinner before. That was expensive! Wait..."

S: "Yes, I acknowledge that it was expensive, and it was a delightful evening. I'm just saying that it's been 6 months and you've done nothing since then. Not that I'm complaining, I just think that it's a little unfair of you to make me take us on all our dates. Mind you, after we're married, that won't matter.

"Now, as I was saying, our relationship has evolved through the past 3 years to the point where we've come to the point of marriage. And I think it's time that we took that final step. I'd like to outline my reasons for coming to this conclusion, if you'd allow me to."

D: "You're insane, but please continue."

S: "Thank you, I appreciate it. As I was saying. First, our relationship is strong. Our relationship goes beyond the mere physical. We've seen each other at our worst, and at our best. We've both suffered some stiff losses, and I don't know what I would have done without you. But we've also had some really good times. And there's nobody else I would have wanted with me there either. We've each had our other relationships, which, by the way, will end as of tonight. I've already told Cath that we won't be continuing to sleep together. I'm getting tired of this no sex thing, Danny. It's time. And it's time for you to gracefully let Gabby off the hook as your friend with benefits. This is ridiculous. Tonight we start our life together."

D: "Uh. I'm not sure I have anything to say about that, except what the _hell_ are you talking about? I don't want to have sex with you!"

S: "How do you know? Anyway, we can discuss that in a moment. Once again, _as I was saying_ , we've each had our relationships on the side, we haven't been as exclusive as we should have been, perhaps, but now that we're getting engaged, that will end."

D: "Oh. Do go on. This is getting better and better."

S: "Your sarcasm is so appreciated, dearest. May I continue?"

D: "Oh. you can continue as long as you wish. I can't think of anything else to say."

S: "Like that will last that long. But I will take what I can get. Second. I think that I should list the qualities that I believe will make me a good husband. And then I'll list the ones I think that will make you a compatible husband as well."

D: "Are you proposing, or preparing a speech?"

S: "I knew it wouldn't take you long."

D: "Sorry. Sorry. Go on."

S: "I've never proposed before, Danno. I'm a bit nervous. So let me just get through this, ok?"

D: "I'm sorry. It's just that this is all a bit of a surprise. Actually, it's a huge surprise. Keep going. I'll try to be less...me."

S: "I don't want you to be less you. I just want you to take me seriously for a moment, ok?"

D: "That's a tall order, Steve. Even you have to admit that one."

S: "Yes, I do know that. But I also believe that if you'll just let me tell you this stuff, it will make sense. I am not just going off into idiot-land, in spite of what you're afraid of. I _have_ thought this out. A lot.

"I believe that I will make a good husband. I'm financially set. I have a _lot_ of money. Dad never spent anything, and I never had a chance to spend any of my pay, and there was a lot of it. I keep offering money to Mare, but she won't take it. She took her half of the inheritance, and wants to make it on her own. And I'm proud of her. I'll be there if she needs me, but other than that, I have no financial obligations. That means that Grace is safe. I can pay for a better lawyer than Stan can, Danny. I can pay for pretty much anything Grace would ever need, including any school she should decide to go to. And right now, she's thinking Harvard. She's such a smart kid, Danny! I'm so proud of her.

"And I can see that you're about to interrupt. Like I said, I'll let you read all the emails when we get to the office. And I'm sorry if she hasn't discussed this sort of stuff with you. Maybe she never thought she had to. Maybe she thought discussing it with me was enough. Maybe it's something she can only discuss over email. I'd understand that one. But the point is that I can send her to any college or university she wants to go to. And I know that you are an independent man, Danny, and that you take pride in doing things yourself. But this is something that I deserve to help with. And, being married to me would mean that you would be taking care of her with me. Besides, I've already added you to my account, so deal with it. Uh, huh. No talking until I'm through. 

"So, financial issues taken care of. I had a good investment guide while I was in the Navy. And almost all of my pay went into the fund. I have a tidy sum of money that I have recently made available to the two of us. Still have a good bit in the fund, however, and am continuing to make a good return on it. I've actually been able to get at least a 12% or more each quart...never mind.

"I own my own house. And while it's not the fanciest house. certainly not like Stan's, it's a state treasure. Did I ever tell you that? It's an old house. But it's been well taken care of. And it's weathered storms for over a century, and is still standing and in good health. The little cove shelters her, and yes, it's a her, I have no idea why. I was just informed of that as a child and have never argued. It's big enough that we can have family stay over, but not so big that we'd get lost when it's just the two of us. Grace can have her own room. She's actually already decided that she wants the one that was my old room, so that Aunt Mary still has a place when she comes to visit. Mare told her that she didn't have to choose my old room, that she could have any room in the house...You've got that look again. Yes, she and Mary have talked. But you were there, just not paying attention. So that one is your own fault. Mind you, I wasn't paying attention either. I didn't know what they'd discussed until Grace told me afterwards. But apparently we're safe, because all they discussed was the room. I might have...uh...interrogated Mary a bit regarding their conversation. Hey, I was nice.

"So I have a house. And it's not a house that Stan can give Grace, ever. And Grace has even decided upon colors and shit.

D: " _You discussed this with her?_

S: "Danny, I already told you that. Keep up here, ok?"

D: "Oh. I guess i forgot that a midst all the rest of the insanity spilling forth from your mouth."

S: "You said you'd listen. So far, not so much with the listening."

D: "Go. Go on. I'm listening."

S: "I don't quite buy that, but I'll take it. 

:"As I was saying. Grace has already picked out her colors and what she wants on the walls. It will be...very pink. And sparkly. And there will be dolphins. But I can work with that. I'm strong. And I'll learn some color-blindness out of necessity."

D: "I have to admit that you are a brave, brave man. Odd. But brave."

S: "Thanks. I think. But the point is that I have a wonderful house with a slice of its own beach, which is not something Stan can buy for almost any amount of money. And I want Gracie to come and stay with us as frequently as possible, and know the kind of freedom and wonder that Mare and I knew as kids. The kind that only comes with having the beach right there. In the palm of your hand.

"Because I love her, Danny. I love her as much as I love you. I don't know how I'd survive without Grace in my life. She's...a part of my soul. And I have to be there for her. I _have_ to be there. The two of you are my life.

"I will always stand by you, Danno. I'm not going to run off when things get difficult. I know that marriage is the hardest work you will ever do, besides raising children. And I know that there will be hard times as well as good. But, unlike Rachel, I really do get the job. And, I'm not a delicate english rose. I can take what you can dish out.

"And I will never, ever abandon you. Ever. Are you ok, Danno?"

D: "Nah, I'm good. Just a wee bit dusty over here.

"That's a.... That's a pretty good argument. And the worst thing is that I believe you. I never thought about it before, but...I trust you in ways I never trusted her."

"Besides that, Danny, I can promise that I will always love you. Because love is a conscious decision. And marriage is a total commitment. And I can give you both of those. I _have_ thought about this. A lot."

D: "I can see that you have. And I agree. You would make a great husband. But what about me? Beyond the whole sex thing, there is the fact that Rachel broke a part of me. That's why I've been taking it so slow with Gabby. It's not just that I'm having problems with trusting her. I'm having problems trusting me. I'm not sure I could be a good husband, Steve. I mean that."

S: "I know. But that's the second part of the whole 'good husband' argument. I believe that you would make a great husband. And you know why I believe that? I believe that because you're a great father. And, you're a pretty fantastic ex-husband. Frankly, I don't know many men who would have been there for the delivery of another man's child. Especially after what Rachel did to you. Yet there you were. You have never failed her, Danny. And you won't fail me.

"Besides. Did it occur to you that part of the reason you couldn't move forward with Gabby was because you're in love with me, not her?"

D" "No. No I can honestly say that one never occurred to me.

"But I have to admit, you're making me sound like a pretty good catch."

S: "That might be because you are."

D: "We're straying dangerously close to chick flick moments here, Steve. I'm concerned."

S: "We're entitled, D. We're entitled to all that love can give us. And there may be a few chick flick moments here and there. Sorry.

D: "Well, as long as there aren't too many, and nobody else sees them. Ever. I guess I can live with that. But you still haven't addressed a rather large issue here. Sex. I just plain don't desire you, Steve."

S: "How do you know?"

D: "It's a pretty obvious thing. I think I'd have noticed."

S: "Look. Just do one thing for me and if it doesn't work, I'll never say another word. Would you agree that a kiss is a very good indicator of desire?"

D: "Yes. Yes I would."

S: So come over here, sit by me, and kiss me. That's all I ask. Just one kiss."

D: "If it will get you over this insanity, then yes. I will do that. Move over..."

**Master Bedroom, McGarrett home. 9:38 PM**

D: "Ok, I concede a certain amount of desire to be found between us. But I think that we need to put it to the test some more. Just for verification purposes."

**Master Bedroom, McGarrett home, 2:45 AM, Tuesday**

S: "Just so you know, I didn't come into this blind. I knew that you wanted me. I knew we could make this work. It wasn't quite the risk it sounded like."

D: "Oh?"

S: "Yeah. You talk in your sleep."

D: "...."

S: "On stakeouts. You talk in your sleep. And every single time for the past 6 months it's been practically all I could do to not take you up on your requests to kiss you, and touch you, and pound you harder."

D: "Please. Please tell me you're lying."

S: "Nope. Sorry."

D: "So, pretty much everything we just did?"

S: "Yep."

D: "...Uh. I can. Uh.

"Well. That's embarrassing...."

**Author's Note:**

> So...I got a new job. Which clears up the next 6 months nicely, thank you. Phew. I'm so relieved. It also means that occasionally I'll be able to write here and there. Hope y'all don't mind.


End file.
